There are many occasions, when people visit incredibly sacred sites, that people expect some sort of huge, profound, spiritual experience. I was this way once. But those profound experiences don't always occur. Majority of the time, the sacredness is emanated through serenity and peace; and by just feeling the peace that overwhelms a sacred place should be profound enough. Most people don't always see it that way, sometimes peace isn't enough, and they expect tears. Crying isn't what makes the scene so memorable, it's "the way you feel" that makes something worth remembering, or even worth crying over. Richard G. Scott said, "A testimony is fortified by spiritual impressions that confirm the validity of a teaching, of a righteous act. Often such guidance is accompanied by powerful emotions that bring tears to the eyes and make it difficult to speak. But a testimony is not emotion. It is the very essence of character woven from threads born of countless correct decisions. A strong testimony gives peace, comfort, and assurance." So again, just because you don't cry, doesn't mean it isn't a spiritual experience and worth remembering. I did shed many tears at this site (not as many as others) and there were other sites where I may have shed the most of anyone, but there were also sites where I didn't even come close to crying. The lack of tears, doesn't change the sacredness of the place, or the spirit that is felt there. I came to an understanding that peace is a form of the spirit. Just feeling peace, is profound enough for me now.
At the conclusion of our tour of the home, we gathered at the front of the house. The same porch where Joseph Smith preached after being tarred and feathered the night before. The same tar and feathering that caused the death of one of his sons. Out on the lawn, the spirit was felt very strongly among us youth and leaders as experiences were shared and tears were shed. The spirit grew even stronger as we began to sing our commitment song, "As Sisters in Zion, We'll Bring the World His Truth". As I stood there singing, I imagined the Prophet Joseph Smith standing out on that porch and how proud and happy he would be as he stood and saw the power of the youth in the church today. I can only imagine the joy he'd feel as he saw the effects of his efforts, and that they were not in vain. Also as I stood there, I looked around at the close friends I would come to make, and came to notice someone in particular; someone who had already been my friend. This person was somebody of extreme importance to me, somebody who I used to be very close to in the past. Then problems emerged. This old friend of mine made some decisions and mistakes that I didn't see fit. My best friend at the time of these decisions, spread rumors about the friend that made it hard for me not to judge. As I stood down the row from that old comrade, I came to realize the most unpleasant mistake I had made those few years past. By making those judgments, I lost a close friend. By making those judgments, I brought myself into condescension. By making those judgments, I lost the opportunity for many remarkable memories. The thing I found the most difficult to understand, was how I made those judgments. Because I've always prided myself in being understanding and not judging people for their mistakes. I always believed that people's mistakes are a part of their past and none of my business. The mistakes of people are a part of a business between them and the judgement of God. I have a close friend now, who made some very big mistakes that landed him in prison, but I took no judgment there. I actually saw it more as a spiritual experience when he got out and had turned his entire life around, and as he is now preparing to serve a mission. The most memorable of experiences I have had with him, is attending church with him his first time back. With that attendance, I was able to be a witness of him partaking of the sacrament again for the first time in a very long time. It's just incredible to see the power of Christ's Atonement; that no matter what you've done, there is always a way back. God is merciful, He wants you to return to Him, and all you have to do is trust in Him. I shared that story, and a new, good friend of mine from Heritage Tours pointed out to me about how much hope that story brings. It shows how there is always hope. No matter how far down you have fallen, there's always a way up, it's just finding it and fending your way up that is the hard part. But once you get up there, it will all be worth it.
As I stared down the row to my old friend, I just felt an enormous amount of love for him. I knew that the judgments I made were wrong, and I felt extremely guilty. But as I stood there, I could feel so much love for this friend that it only made me imagine how much our Father in Heaven loves us. He loves us so much, no matter what we've done. And I didn't care at all about anything this old friend of mine had done, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that I loved him, and that our Father in Heaven loved him, and I wanted to be best friends with him again. I really can't explain the kind of love I acquired for this friend, but it's a bigger love than I have ever experienced before. It's strictly friendly, and he probably doesn't feel the same way back but that's probably because he didn't have the same kind of experience as I did. I don't need any love in return, I'm just so glad that we are friends again; even if we never hang out I will still think of him as one of my very good friends. And the immense amount of love I have for him will never, ever diminish in any way. I'm still angry with myself for the loss of that friendship for the last few years, but since I can't go back in time, all I can do is make best of the time I have now. And if he knows that I'm referring to him, I hope he knows how much I truly love him and the enormous amount of respect I have for him. He is such an example to me and I hope that I can have a son just like him one day. The one positively bitter thing about love, is you can feel so much love at times that it makes you bawl. I am pretty sure that I have shed the most tears of love, and regret, and love for this friend than any other friend. I hope he doesn't feel bad in any way for those tears I've shed, those tears have only helped strengthen my love for him. I don't want to come off creepy in any manner; I'm just trying my best to describe what I am feeling. I never thought that "What Kinda Car" would ever make me cry, until it flooded back so many fond memories of this friend that I couldn't help myself. I feel like I have advanced a little and come slightly closer to apprehending how much our Savior and Father in Heaven love us, and hope that I can continue to progress in that direction.
"Mistakes of the past don't define us, they refine us." -Let it Begin from EFY 2010 Soundtrack
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